How do we step out of the treadmill that is our life and prioritize the time it takes to focus on ourselves? Is it really as difficult as it seems or is it simple?

In a lot of ways life can and does feel like a treadmill. We get so caught up in our daily routines. Being back at work full time has really made me realize this. Life can be challenging and throws us curve balls from time to time. Sometimes there is energy to duck the ball other times it hits us because we don’t have the energy to avoid it.

It takes a lot of courage to stop and interrogate the reality of what is happening and create an awareness of the choices that may be available.

I have to say as I write this I am pretty thankful for all of the challenges and experiences that I have had in my life. I may not have realized it at the time, but I can honestly say they have served me well. I am also lucky to be surrounded by great people who encourage me to challenge my reality and are pretty candid with me. (usually this takes the form of a slap upside the head along with some very clear unedited verbal cues) But i realize that not all of us are lucky enough to have this. To this end, I feel really good about providing my coaching to those who seek it. Coaching can provide a safe space for this kind of dialogue.

When I think of self care, it comes down to two things: awareness & action. First the awareness of the issue and then taking action. I love the metaphor of the Merry go Round. I remember as a kid taking a ride and spinning while hanging on to the outside. Oh the dizziness….what did I do to counter this? I went to the center because in the center the ride is much easier and smoother. By taking action on what we need for ourselves we are stepping to the inside of the merry go round. Thus creating balance in our lives. Self care is fuel for our tanks. In some cases we give all our fuel to those in our lives and forget to fuel ourselves first.

Personally, I am thankful for my ability to shine the light on and openly discuss what I have become aware of over the years. It has really allowed me to be clear on where my action lies. I am a pretty open book when it comes to sharing what is happening for me. I realize however that this does not come easily for all of us and there are many reasons for that.

What small step can you take today that will contribute to your self care? It doesn’t have to be difficult.

10 minutes of quiet.
Read a chapter of your favourite book.
Spend some quality time with a loved one.
Go for a walk.
Go relax in a hot tub.
Go swim in the lake.
Have a nice bath with some candles.
Make yourself a nice dinner.
Go for a massage.
Call a good friend and have a venting session.

Take one step to the center of your merry go round. It doesn’t need to be difficult.

I am off to have a quick nap….

I have had some interesting thoughts and experiences lately in regards to parenting that I would like to share. The question is, when do we need to let go of trying to get our point across with our kids and let them be involved in the process? More importantly, can we stop and listen to what our kids are saying and realize that perhaps they are right and have a point?

I had an experience with my youngest son recently and the issue was about cleaning his room. This is the most frequent. On this occasion he had just arrived at my house (their Mom and I have joint custody, week on week off) and we were going to go out and I had something to do before we could leave. I suggested that the time be used to clean his room. This was met with immediate resistance, which took the form of yelling an protesting. For me this brought up two problems. The first being that I want to teach him that he can get his point across by talking. The second, that he really needs to clean his room without the resistance. Unfortunately the situation escalated very quickly. Because he was yelling I really wasn’t listening to what he was saying. However, on this occasion I heard his protest which was “I just cleaned my room at my Mom’s house before we came here.” When I thought about it I realized that he had a point and that based on this information there was some room for negotiation.

The problem was that I was at a point of wanting to punish his behaviour and was not willing to back down. I really stopped to think about the situation and wanted to try something differently. As a parent I feel pressured to pursue the punishment as a means of teaching. But is this always the right way? When do we back down and not lose face?

Well I realized in this situation that by backing down I could actually effectively teach him something about getting his point across in a positive way. I felt it was really important for him to know that I heard him and what he was saying. I also wanted him to see that by talking he would be heard more readily. I also wanted him to know that there was also some room for negotiation that would allow for a more amiable outcome.

So i put the brakes on and calmed him down and told him that I heard what he was saying and that based on hearing that information we could talk about solutions. I also emphasized the points that I was trying to get across and felt that I was heard. In the days following, when he became angry I was able to touch back to this situation and remind him of what he had learned. The end result of this was that his room got cleaned the next day and he had learned a valuable lesson.

In the end I felt it was more important that he know that his frustrations can be heard if delivered in a productive way. I did not punish his behaviour in this situation and it actually worked out for the good.

I really believe that my kids are able to make decisions on their own and I wonder how much influence we can have if we are so stuck on getting our point across rather than honouring their ability to learn things on their own. Not everything is black and white.

I remember as a kid some of my most powerful learnings were when I realized for myself that I had done something wrong. Usually this took the form of me saying to my Mom. “you were right, I was wrong” I still am able to say those words today in many situations.

In coaching we say that our clients are “naturally creative, resourceful and whole”…. I believe this goes for kids as well. We as parents just need to allow the space for this to happen which means letting go of our agenda sometimes.

Your thoughts and comments???

I feel compelled to share some gratitude. And there is the thought, why am I sharing this with everyone? Well, I notice that I find it very easy to focus on the things I am lacking or wanting. It feels good to switch gears and put the focus into the positive and acknowledge all the things I have.
It also feels good to really put it out there.

I am grateful for:

My wonderful kids!!!!!

An amazing week filled with joy excitement, fun & of course personal learning.

I am so blessed, I have a lot of friends and acquaintances, and I have some really really close friends that are so important to me in my life. I can’t say enough about how lucky I am to have that. My Mother always said that if you can say you have one close friend is this lifetime you are lucky. I have more than one. Love you guys!!!!

I am grateful to be living in such a beautiful area. This brings me so much happiness…To be able to look out my window and see so much beauty….WOW

Life Lessons….They are happening all around us and if we stop & notice them there is so much to be learned. I love that. Even what seems like entertainment can teach you lots. I am grateful for my awareness and curiousity of these moments.

I am grateful for all the great people that I get to work with. I have been amazed and surprised recently and it feels wonderful to be a part in this yet again. I love how we take care of each other without even a thought.

All the amazing wonderful people in my life.

I could go on for quite a while, but these are the ones that are top of mind right now.

What are you grateful for?

Wow 2 posts in one sitting.

I was having a conversation with someone recently and of course we ended up talking about a situation where someone needed to “Let Go”. I know I write a lot about this topic and I have to say that is because it comes up a lot. Yes in my life as well….

Well as we were discussing the topic at hand I said something along the lines of what could grow in this situation if the person could actually let go.

I love this perspective. What could grow in our lives if we let go of what we are hanging onto so tightly?

So Letting Go is actually Letting Grow……

This ties into “Possibilities” as well. By letting grow we are open to many more possibilities.

It’s been a while since my last post. I sat down to write and the word “Possibilities” came up so I will write about that.

Well the first thing that comes to mind, is that my creative mind creates all sorts of stories in regards to my life. Creative is the key word. Most of the time these stories and scenarios don’t ever come to fruition yet I entertain them and play them out. I have to say though that I don’t spend as much time in this space as I used to which is great.

The second thing is in regards to planning. When there is something I need to do or get done. Or even a conversation I need to have with someone. My mind again goes through all the possible scenarios and creates possible challenges that can make the outcome difficult or keep me from even beginning the task that needs to be accomplished. Again the situation rarely occurs in the way i thought it would. Most of what needs to happen usually happens in the moment and you adjust to what is actually happening. Most of the time things go much smoother and easier than anticipated. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that you shouldn’t plan. I am just saying that you need to be open to the possibilities and focus on the positive results that you want. For example if you need to have a tough conversation with someone. Focus on the tone and feeling of the conversation rather than focusing on all the ways in which the conversation will be difficult. The less we plan the more open we are to the possibilities in the moment.

Lastly I am thinking about how we sometimes get caught up in the drama of our lives. We get stuck in what is happening lose focus and perspective. There is a Tarot card called possibilities it is a picture of an eagle flying over a beautiful landscape seeing all that is available. When we rise above all that is happening in our lives like the eagle we are able to see a brand new perspective and all the possibilities that exist.

How many times have you said to yourself. “Wow that was a lot easier than I thought it would be” or “That didn’t turn out the way I thought it was going to”. There are always many possibilities that exist we just need to allow them.

Today I had the pleasure of going for a horse back ride at Sea to Sky Stables. I love being around the horses and out in the peaceful forest. I also enjoy learning about the horses. Today I got to help getting all the horses ready for a ride, which included putting on the saddles and bridles. All of this is a nice change of pace from every day life.

Well today I got to learn yet another lesson. My job today was to ride at the back of the group, which was a total of 11 horses. During the ride, one of the kids dropped her shoe along the trail and I had to turn around and get it. No problem. I turn my horse (Casper) around and reluctantly he heads down the trail and we find the shoe. As I am climbing back up onto Casper, he bolts off, I manage to hang on even though my leg wasn’t properly in the stirrup. When I get back to the group I realize that i had dropped the shoe on the way. So I go back again to get the shoe. Only this time, Casper is not cooperating. He is totally wanting to go back and won’t stand still for me to get back up. I do my best to calm him down but I become frustrated and he becomes frustrated. There is nothing I can do to settle him down. I call the leader on my cellphone and she says to just walk back. So I agree that this is the best idea and begin to walk back. Casper however is still pulling like crazy and even walking becomes a challenge. So we are walking along and I trip on a rock. Fall face forward and get dragged for a little bit and I finally just let go of the rope. Casper goes running back to the group. What I didn’t know, is that trail horses, Casper in particular, don’t like to be away from the pack of horses. He was set on getting back and there was nothing I could have done to make it better.

The experience was quite unsettling and in the end it all worked out except for a scraped knee, scraped forearm and yes a bruised ego….

As I reflected upon this experience I couldn’t help but see it as a metaphor for “Letting Go”. In the end the solution was simple….let go of the rope….he’s happy, I’m safe, all is good. Instead of struggling to be in control of the outcome.

I can think of many situations in my life, where I struggled trying to get what I wanted and in the end the solution was simply to let go. Sometimes it is the only solution that will work, and yes, it is usually the simplest way to go. I had met someone once who said it well, ”always take the path of least resistance”. Not in the sense of giving up necessarily, but more the idea of going with the flow.

I also want to emphasize that “letting go” does not necessarily mean forever. Today, when I got back to the group I got right back up on Casper and we finished the ride.

I think it is in the book “Conversations with God” where he says…”Let go and Let God”

I am also reminded of the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

This weekend I picked up a great book from the library. It is called “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch

for more info checkout this site www.thelastlecture.com

A quick and truly inspirational read.

Enjoy

What would your life look like if you lived without preconceived perceptions?

Wow this is a big one. Well for me there are a couple of great examples of this that I have experienced lately that I will share. Firstly I am reading “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie. In the beginning of the book she shares an experience where she went into the bathroom after someone who had just left the stall. There was pee all over the toilet seat and she became very frustrated at this and almost went after the person to give a piece of her mind. In the end she simply cleaned off the seat and let it go. When she herself was done she flushed the toilet and the toilet sprayed water up on the seat. She realized that she had created what she thought was reality. In the end she was quite happy that she did not say anything.

My second story I am stealing from a recent conversation with a friend. How often do we look at someone and judge them based on there size or appearance without taking the time to truly connect with them. By connecting I mean stopping and taking the time to really look that person in the eyes and get to know them not what we see. I love this because I think it is so true in society that we judge someone or pass someone over based on what we see. When we take the time to truly connect we can get past all of the surface stuff. My challenge to you is to become aware of this in your interactions. Make someones day and look them in the eye and give a genuine hello. Watch for the reaction.

Projection is about allowing the creative thoughts, beliefs and judgements that exist within us to become reality. The question is, what is reality? Having the awareness to stop & question your thoughts & behaviours can change your experience.

What preconceived ideas do you have about your life and the way you imagine it to be?

Well I certainly like the statement and the question. For me it reminds me to play more and be more childlike. My kids constantly remind me of this with their actions. Kids seem to naturally live life in the moment. Something we tend to forget as we grow older. I often try to check in with my kids when significant events happen with them. I ask them questions about how they may be feeling etc. There response is often “nothing is wrong….can I go play now?”. Sometimes I question whether they really have nothing to say. But honestly I think they just move on to the next exciting event in their life. Like water off a ducks back.

The other thing that I think is true is that kids haven’t yet had enough experiences in their life to be able to question and compare and analyze what is happening to them. They accept things at face value. As we get older we evaluate each life experience with all the ones we have had in the past and make judgements based on the memories we have.

So for me I am reminded once again of the importance of living life in the moment. I like to think that I am pretty playful and have fun as much as I can. It also reminds me to approach situations with an open mind and drop my beliefs, judgments and thoughts with childlike innocence. 

In what areas of your life is there too much noise?

First of all I want to say “Thank You to Michael” for the opportunity to indulge myself and use his writing to create dialogue on my blog.

For me this question speaks to allowing. I have been reflecting on the concept of asking the universe for something. The thought of being able to access something from outside ourselves. Or the question of why isn’t the universe providing me with what I am needing. The other part of this is the idea that we are all part of a bigger whole or oneness.

As I sat with these thoughts I came to the realization that if we are one, and if we have access to what we want and need in our lives and that we can manifest in immediate ways. Then if we are not manifesting something must be in the way of this. Where are we out of alignment? Imagine a puzzle of pipes, it is not until the pipes line up that the flow through the pipes can happen. The flow is always there but cannot occur until there is alignment.

Follow this link to play a game that shows what I mean. Imagine the water as the flow of the universe.
http://www.arcadetown.com/plumber/playgame.asp

So how does this relate to real life experiences? Well for me it comes down to values. Think of the value that we call integrity. If you are wanting something to manifest yet we are out of integrity ourselves. The piece of pipe called integrity is turned out of the flow. It is not until you reconcile this piece that you can experience the flow.

In all of this I realize that we as individuals are responsible for creating and manifesting in our own lives. It doesn’t just come or not come to us from an outside source. It is our job to be in alignment and straighten out our own pipes. Once we do we can allow the flow and awareness which allows us to access things that were already there and available to us.

The noise in our lives comes from being out of alignment. The need to re-arrange our pipes. What I love about this is it places the responsibility squarely on our shoulders and not outside ourselves. The universe can’t give or show you what you are not ready to see.

Where are your pipes not in alignment? Where do you have an opportunity to create flow in your life? By fixing your pipes what will you be allowing to flow into your life?