Listening

The lost art of listening. Is it a lost art? I don’t remember being taught in school how to really listen. It wasn’t until I was 36 years old that I was taught a completely different awareness of what it means to truly listen.

Last week I attended a meeting with one of the candidates running for the Municipal Election in Squamish. I was struck by his ability to listen. Now, he definitely talked a lot and was very well spoken. The fascinating thing was, that he actually heard and answered all the questions and checked back to make sure that he had in fact answered to the satisfaction of the person asking. To me this is pretty impressive espescially for someone in politics. I know I have felt the frustration in watching politicians talk about everything but the question at hand.

The lack of listening is most present during conflict when each person is simply presenting their side of their story. I recently facilitated a conversation and I had to constantly stop each person from interupting and talking over the speaker. I also would repeat back the important information that wasn’t being heard. It was fascinating to be a part of the process. In this case the outcome was very positive.

There are 3 levels of listening:

Level 1 is Internal Listening. When you listen at this level you are processing what is being heard through your own experiences and you may be judging what is being said based on your values and beliefs. This is an important part of listening and it is difficult to hear what is really being said.

Level 2 is Hard Focused Listening. At this level there is a laser like focus and a strong effort on hearing what is being said. Think of a mother with a sick child. There may be lots happening around her but she is 100% focused on taking care of the needs of her child. Level 2 is about listening intently to every word that is being said.

Level 3 is Global Listening. This is about hearing or seeing what is not being said. It is about noticing the impact you are having as well as noticing the body language and energy of the other person. At this level you are noticing what is not being said and calling that forward.

Some food for thought. Take some time to notice your listening skills. Acknowledge yourself when you are doing a good job at listening. Notice when you are not able to listen and what makes it difficult. It is about raising your awareness. For example if someone phones you and you are distracted by email ask them to call you back and be honest with them about that fact.

Below is a Dilbert video that shows a great example of Level 1 listening.

Live Life Large

I just finished reading Katy Hutchison’s memoir Walking After Midnight. This is a story of Katy’s journey after losing her husband Bob to murder when he checked on a teenagers’ party at a friend’s house in Squamish. Katy was left a widow with four-year old twins Emma & Sam. It is a story of how her life unfolds after this horrific event and the choices that she makes.

I lived in Squamish when this happened. I remember the code of silence that hung over the town as we looked for answers. I remember the criticism that was given to Katy for leaving and starting her life again in Victoria. In reading the memoir I have a clear understanding of this woman’s courage and why she took the path that she did. 

For me it is an excellent reminder of how we can live our life to the fullest by honouring what lies deep at our core. We are always moving to a bigger version of ourselves. The experiences and challenges we are given ensure that is always happening. The choices we make and how we answer is where we have an opportunity to live life large. Although my life experiences pale in comparison to what others face I realize that I have this part of me that absolutely will not give up. I have this voice that is always challenging the situations I am faced with and I ultimately find the higher path. It is this same voice that gets me really excited about Life Coaching and helping others to realize their path in life. It is a way of awakening to our higher purpose and taking control of our life. I believe that we all have an opportunity to make a difference in this life. The first step is to answer when we hear that voice, and step up to the challenge. We also don’t need to do this alone. We can solicit the support of friends and family and groups of like minded individuals to help.

Living life large is not about becoming something we are not. It is about fully embracing who we are.

New Column

Hello Everyone,

I am super excited to be writing a regular column about life and coaching for a local website called Squamish Online.

The column is called “You’re Not Alone” Check it out.

At this point I think I will continue to write here as well. So keep checking back for new posts.

Intentions & Manifesting

I have had a few conversations recently in regards to manifesting your desires. There has been so much talk about this because of The Secret & Abraham Hicks etc.

The question is: Can we really manifest what we want?

I think the answer is yes! However I don’t think it is as easy as we might think. We can get in our way as quick as we have the thought of what it is we desire. We can also really be out of alignment with our deepest desires. In most cases I believe there is some kind of action required on our part to initiate or take advantage of the things that are coming our way. I don’t believe that we can manifest what we want by lying in our bed and having positive thoughts. In part it requires being alive and aware of all that is occurring in our lives and taking action on what we are noticing. The other thing is to be very clear about what we want and open in how we are asking for it. As well as being open about how we may receive what we have asked for.

Take the example of manifesting more money. We can set an intention that we want to have more money. If the next thought we think is that we don’t feel we deserve it, the thoughts are working against each other. We may not even be aware of the negative thought. If you want more money and ask for $1000.00 you may be limiting your possibilities by being very specific. Manifesting comes down to getting out of the way and creating space for great things to happen. Focus on the energy of what you are wanting and get out of trying to figure out the how. Trying to figure out how is your mind getting in the way.  Ensure that what your are asking for is something that you truly want and reflects your deepest desires and beliefs. Take time to become aware of your limiting thoughts by writing them on a piece of paper and bringing awareness to them.

My good friend Vince also wrote about this recently in an article called “The answer to how is yes”. Check out his article.

The energy of action

I’m sure you’ve heard someone or yourself say. ” I want to do x but I am blocked”

What does it mean to  be blocked? This can be referred to as a mental block and I would also refer to it as an energy block. When we don’t take action on something that is bothering us we are ultimately blocking positive energy from flowing and we are allowing the negative energy of not moving into action take energy from us.

Think about the last time that you completed a task that you had been putting off for a while. Taxes maybe? Now try to remember the feeling that you felt after you got it done. Was it exhilaration? Relief? Happiness? Were you rewarded with a refund? If so, did you start thinking of all the fun things you could do with your money? My point is that the energy of the situation shifts the moment that we move into action and I would say that this can be the tiniest of actions that create momentum.

Let me share a personal example. Over the last while I unfortunately rediscovered cigarettes. I went through quite the battle in trying to get rid of this habit. Energetically I knew that I didn’t want to be smoking for reasons of health & financial amongst others. The whole time this challenge is sucking my energy. As I was going along I was telling myself that quitting meant stopping right away and that if that result didn’t happen I had failed. Looking back I realize that along the way I was making choices and those choices were incremental. Such as trying not to buy cigarettes. Not smoking in the car. Not smoking at work etc.  In the end those choices were moving me towards readiness. To the point where now I am so excited in knowing that I am choosing not to smoke. I feel really good that I am now at this place. It is giving me positive energy and the block is gone. What got me here was baby steps and choices.

So the next time you find yourself faced with a challenge, try to change your perspective. Ask yourself, what small step can I take that would move me towards my goal? Assess your readiness for each step that you are taking. Most importantly celebrate each little step that you take along the way. Notice that you are creating momentum. Be gentle with yourself and know that some things just take time. When you are ready to bust through that block it will feel great and you will be able to sustain your desired results.

Another great way to create positive flowing energy in your life, is to spend time having fun and indulging in your passion. What is that one thing that you love doing that brings excitement and joy into your life? Think of the energy that it gives you. Spending time doing what you love is like activating the turbo boost in your car. Even if it seems like you don’t have time….make time. It will give you more energy in all the other areas of your life. Following your joy is like the turbo boost for your soul.

Be the Change

Yesterday I had the pleasure of leading a breakout session at a conference in Squamish. I was pleasantly reminded of the impact we can have when we go for the things that we want. I had the pleasure of meeting some amazing folks who are all following there passion and making a difference in the world. This left me feeling very encouraged about the things that are important to me in my life. It also reminded me of the creativity and passion that is out there. I firmly believe that the world is gradually becoming a better place. Moment by moment, step by step.

It also reminded me about self care. All of us helpers / caregivers give so much of ourselves to others and we forget to take care of ourselves first. We say that we have to keep going and working and following our dreams and it will be ok in the end. I don’t think you would try to drive anywhere without putting gas in your car first. Yet by not taking care of ourselves we are trying to do just that. What would the people you are helping want for you? What is it costing you to not take care of yourself?

Some would say that to take care of yourself is selfish. Perhaps the truth is that by taking care of yourself you are centered in yourself, putting yourself first. Grounded in who you are and what you need. At all costs. Selfish? Maybe….and you will have even more to give.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the World”

                                         – Mahatma Gandhi

Observe

Today I went for a walk around the Four Lakes trail at Alice Lake. What a wonderful sunny day for the first day of October and a great day to be hitting the trails. It was nice and warm yet the colours of fall were starting to appear.

Along the way my friend and I stopped for a while at Edith Lake which is one of the four lakes along the trail.

  Edith Lake in February.

We had been talking and when we sat down to look at the view we both just stopped talking and became silent. What was fascinating was that there was hardly any other sounds for quite a while. The lake itself was absolutely still and there was a beautiful crisp reflection of the trees, mountains, sky & clouds on the lake. It was difficult to tell that it wasn’t real apart from being upside down. As I sat and observed the beauty of what was before us my thoughts also became quiet. At one point a Dragon Fly came fluttering by and I could actually hear the sounds of its wings. Then a fish jumping in the distance and a frog squawking on the other side of the lake. It was absolutely beautiful. The sun was out which highlighted all the wonderful colours of fall. The clouds being reflected on the surface of the lake were moving in a way that made it appear they were falling into themselves and gradually dissappearing. I was truly enjoying the silence.

I have heard it said in many books to observe the perfection of nature and you will see the perfection in life. What I realized as I sat and observed the beauty in utter silence was the perfection of it all. All of what I was seeing was alive and living and doing it’s part in nature. All of this was happening whether we want it to or not. This made me think that perhaps our lives are happening in just that same way. What if everything that occurs is simply perfect. Then our role is to become the observer of what is happening and ask questions. How can I learn from what is happening to me? What could I do differently in future? Am I in alignment with me deepest values? How can I move forward from the circumstances in my life? How can I create change & grow? Or to recognize and appreciate all the abundance that exists in our life. Gratitude is very powerful.

My point is that it was only when I became completely silent that I truly began to appreciate and understand what I was seeing in nature. If we could silence the thoughts in our minds, how would we view our selves and our life. Is this the value of meditation? I have had many moments recently where I have felt that I am observing what is happening around me and I hear a wise chuckle in my mind. I love those moments. When we are observing we are creating opportunities for the magic to happen. Then we simply need to notice.

In “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” Deepak Chopra speaks about stillness. He says “Stillness is the first requirement for manifesting your desires, because in stillness lies your connection to the field of pure potentiality that can orchestrate an infinity of details for you”.