Listening

The lost art of listening. Is it a lost art? I don’t remember being taught in school how to really listen. It wasn’t until I was 36 years old that I was taught a completely different awareness of what it means to truly listen.

Last week I attended a meeting with one of the candidates running for the Municipal Election in Squamish. I was struck by his ability to listen. Now, he definitely talked a lot and was very well spoken. The fascinating thing was, that he actually heard and answered all the questions and checked back to make sure that he had in fact answered to the satisfaction of the person asking. To me this is pretty impressive espescially for someone in politics. I know I have felt the frustration in watching politicians talk about everything but the question at hand.

The lack of listening is most present during conflict when each person is simply presenting their side of their story. I recently facilitated a conversation and I had to constantly stop each person from interupting and talking over the speaker. I also would repeat back the important information that wasn’t being heard. It was fascinating to be a part of the process. In this case the outcome was very positive.

There are 3 levels of listening:

Level 1 is Internal Listening. When you listen at this level you are processing what is being heard through your own experiences and you may be judging what is being said based on your values and beliefs. This is an important part of listening and it is difficult to hear what is really being said.

Level 2 is Hard Focused Listening. At this level there is a laser like focus and a strong effort on hearing what is being said. Think of a mother with a sick child. There may be lots happening around her but she is 100% focused on taking care of the needs of her child. Level 2 is about listening intently to every word that is being said.

Level 3 is Global Listening. This is about hearing or seeing what is not being said. It is about noticing the impact you are having as well as noticing the body language and energy of the other person. At this level you are noticing what is not being said and calling that forward.

Some food for thought. Take some time to notice your listening skills. Acknowledge yourself when you are doing a good job at listening. Notice when you are not able to listen and what makes it difficult. It is about raising your awareness. For example if someone phones you and you are distracted by email ask them to call you back and be honest with them about that fact.

Below is a Dilbert video that shows a great example of Level 1 listening.